Robert Milnes, a 2016 candidate for the Green and Libertarian parties’ presidential nominations advertised on his campaign website Friday that he will be holding “Solo Male Masturbation Shows” in his RV next week. Milnes said the shows will be live streamed on “The Dark Web” from 4 am to 9 am and 12:00 to 12:30 pm Monday through Friday, corresponding with the working schedules of his favorite TV news reporters.
As previously covered here last year, Milnes believes technology has been developed to enable the FBI and TV news reporters (among others) to surveil his activities through his television set. He suspects that this is due to his status as a third party presidential candidate with a strategy to win the election. He tests the theory by masturbating to TV news coverage.
Initially, Milnes offered only “Freudian slips, body language, and acculturation” as evidence for the technology. However, he has recently brought forth further evidence as explained on his campaign website:
My favorite [news anchors to masturbate to include] Jillian Mele . . . Erika von Tiehl and Norah O’Donnell.
One of my favorite takes was when Jillian Mele ejaculated “Oh, my Goodness!” when I was ejaculating!
Another was when Erika opened the news program she usually says “Hello, I’m Erika von Tiehl.” On this occasion I just happened to wave and she said, “Hello, I’m Erika.” Like I was right in front of her, naked, waving. And she was spontaneously introducing herself to me.
As for Norah, there has been so many takes. I’ve gotten to the point of just staring and drooling, she is so pretty. Kind of skinny and flat chested, though.
Jillian Mele
Erika von Tiehl
Norah O’Donnell
According to Milnes, anyone interested in watching his masturbation shows can do so by contacting the NSA, the Defense Intelligence Agency, the U.S. military, Homeland Security Department, the FBI, Mossad, or various news agencies.
Filed under: Milnes, News | Tagged: 2016 presidential election, Erika von Tiehl, Green Party, Jillian Mele, Libertarian Party, Masturbation, Masturbation Shows, Norah O'Donnell, Robert Milnes |
The Saturnalian 
It’s hard to beat a story like this!
I couldn’t resist. April Fools Day came early.
Hey, NF.
3 1/2 months early?
Come on WSS, you can’t have it both ways.
Either it is a joke or it isn’t.
I say it isn’t.
What say you?
It’s not a joke. It’s just wacky. Sometimes, I enjoy wacky stories more than jokes.
Interesting puns.
Be far more interesting if some investigative reporting was done about it.
How about you post images of your penis so I can confirm I am watching your masturbation show?
WSS, did you sleep with a pod?
What is a pod?
Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
Do you ever watch any recent movies?
1956/1978.
That’s what I mean. Those are not recent years.
Yes, I watch some recent movies. But I am an old man born and raised in the early tv era.
What does this have to do with anything?
You mean you have slept with a walking dead?
“What does this have to do with anything?”
That’s a good question. Perhaps you can answer since you brought up the subject.
Which supercomputer is your program associated with?
Cyberdyne Systems Model 101 — “My CPU is a neural-net processor; a learning computer.”
The Terminator 1984.
Are you connected to Skynet, or are you connected to Colossus-The Forbin Project?
Are you Guardian?
Are you Borg?